Conversations

Have you ever been vacuuming or washing the dishes, those things you do and zone out and start thinking of conversations you would want to have with someone? Conversations where it's just the two of you, and you have every word planned out. It's almost like you have this little scene your creating where it's the two of you in a room with your backs to a locked door. Where you start off on different sides of the room, then one of you grows a pair and makes a smart remark and you slowly start getting closer. Then you both just sit there not looking at each other with your heads rested again the cool wooden door and each sentence said is just out there, not necessarily to the person directly but there the only one there so in a way you said it for only them to hear.

I day dream a lot with the what if's that are manufactured in my head each day. I guess you could say I'm lonely in a way kind of in the in-between I don't really like any one but I don't not like anyone. It sucks. More so because I got my hopes up, but I'll be over it by next week.

I was thinking today how I just ramble on in my head during the day thinking 'this would sound good on my blog' and how cool a video blog would be. I also thought how cool it would be too have readers. HAHA funny, I'm content with talking to no one it fulfills the need just fine. Plus I don't think I would want to hear the negative, because with every positive there's a negative comment too.

-Nat

From where I'm looking now I take back all the thing I said about you because now I think you did what was best. Now that I'm seeing the old you again its clawwing into the grave I barried what we had in and bring back everything. I don't want that it messes with my head. It pulls back not only the memories of you but everything else that has happened. I've moved on, which I'm proud of. I'm a new me and your going back to the old you, but its to late for me to go back. I changed this summer and from this last fall I'm starting to see it more and more. I'm not that tough ass and who was happy at school and lazy at home. I cried at the bus stop this morning over a fight with my dad a >20 word conversation brought me to tears. I run everyday, I'n on a team now. I have friends all over and I'm not treated like shit anymore and I dated the biggest redneck in our class. I made my closest friend I'll ever have this summer and it changed me, shes the closest to my heart and we can say anything to each other. I find my self going to say sonething and then I remember that no one but her would understand.

Well I have finals in the morning so I should get some sleep.
~Natalie

Just got done making cup-cakes for tomorrow, made alot-a-bit of a mess. Tired off to bed. Text.

Have you ever almost cried twice before 7:04 a.m. ? Well its been one of those mornings.

I Hate It

Okay so my new years resolution was to be nicer. I've failed. I've been the biggest bitch ever that last week. I feel pretty bad because I snapped at anything. I decided today that I've just been made at myself and that's why I'm taking my anger out on other people. I've been slipping back to my old ways, with being mean and the bigger thing, eating.

I upset over my weight and it is bugging me all the time. I have to get back to my no pop, and work outs on my own. I need to get back my drive, my mojo. I've been seeing my self loose it more and more. I need to stop, take a step back and start going again on the right path. I believe in myself and I have my support.

My blogger be my witness I want to work towards being at the most 150 by June. I used to make millions of goal to myself and such but I really need to work at this for me. I need to be positive again and believe in myself to do anything I want to do.

Psssp! Don't tell don't want to jinx it but I started talking to someone again and yeah :)

~Nat

Woah!!!!!!!! They waited why to late to call I'd already watched 2 news stations and the radio and had said screw it and I was gonna get up when the snooze went off again! But the phone rang!

Mixed Update

Some nights I feel like I'm 5 years old. I tear up for no reason, cuddle a stuffed dog, and curl up under a blanket that doesn't cover my feet if I'm laying the wrong way. It's sad, but it's what comforts me lately. My mind will start to clear and my stomach loses that's sour ace that tosses around in it most nights.
*deep breath*
It's hard to reassure your best-friend/sister/cousin that her boyfriend likes her more then her likes you. It doesn't help that its the first thing out of everyone's mouth when they find out. Then I have to see the two of them all happy and cuddly and my brother makes a remark when you tell them to stop holding hands while were getting food "That's what you and Trevor did all the time." I'm over him but seriously way to through salt in my wounds that are being picked at by my cousin and best-friend both started dating someone... Did I say mention it's each other?
I lost my necklace. It's stupid because I remember putting it in my bag thinking this isn't safe. Now I can't find it :(
~Nat (that took 7 messages)