An Easy Update.

Will you talk to the person you like on the phone tonight?
haha

Ever had a near death experience?
probably.

Where’s your cell phone?
under my arm as I'm typing.

What is the last thing you thought about?
A very awkward thing, relationship that just started between two close friends.

Do you regret anything?
Kind of not enough to think twice about.

If you found out you were pregnant who would you tell?
The father.

What are you going to do this weekend?
Um idk just chill out seeing how all break has been busy.

When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?
texting her right now

Do you prefer revenge or just pure jealousy/envy?
why would I rather be jealous then getting revenge? That's a stupid questions.

Would you curse in front of your parents?
Nope :)

What kind of camera do you have?
HP thing. idk. its a soft baby blue.

Would you rather go to a party or out of town?
Depends on who's where.

Are you slowly drifting away from someone close?
Kind of but I think it will work out.

When was the last time you held someone’s hand?
Walked my brother across the street yesterday. jk. Two nights ago, nothing serious.

Who can you tell everything to?
My cousin.

Can you play guitar hero?
I'm a beast at it. Not really can do pretty good on Hard.

Is any part of your body sore?
my ass and back and ankles.

Missing someone right now?
yea...

Is there someone on your mind that shouldn’t be?
Probably

Do you like your phone?
I'm a good critic, but I'm currently pleases with it.

Have you ever slept in a bed with the opposite sex?
Yeah.

Have any of your best friends ever back stabbed you?
Maybe?

If you had to move in with a friend, which one would you pick?
No idea.

When is your next road trip?
Hopefully soon because I want to go up north.

What did you do last weekend?
hmm... oh yea. Nessa and Jake got dropped off and Adam come over later on Sat. Then Brian came over one Sunday.

Met anyone new in the past week?
I wish.

What do your best friends call you?
Nat or Natalie. No :( No sweet nickname.

Who was the last person to go to the movies with you?
Mi mama

Are you currently fighting with someone?
I don't think so...?

Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
Yesterday during the game.

Are you mad at someone right now?
I do not remember if I am.

What’s the nicest text in your inbox say?
I just deleted the nice one last night crap.

Do you mainly use your house phone or your cell phone?
Defiantly my cell phone.

Is there an empty place in your heart?
Kinda

Do you count down the days till anything?
No most the time things change too much to count on things to much except basketball.

Are you looking forward to something as of right now?
Kinda not really

Have you ever been called a tease?
Yeah! I have to say more then once...

What are your chances of getting with your crush?
Don't really have any serious one so no chance.

What is the farthest you’ve traveled with a friend?
MO

Are any of your friends so close that you consider them family?
Yeah.

Anyone told you a secret this week?
Kinda of but I had permission so spread it cuz they didn't want to deal with it.

Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
When I restart it to get better signal like once a week.

Do you hate anyone?
Yea...

Last time you wore the opposite sex’s clothing?
Does a hat count or a varsity jacket?

What do you want in your life right now?
I want changes but I'm pleased with it now because the ones that would happen will be negative.

When was the last time you laughed so hard you thought you were going to cry?
Two days ago.

Did you tell someone something today?
Nope

Do you trust people easily?
Some time I don't trust enough and sometimes too much.

What were you doing at 9pm Friday night?
I opening Christmas presents cuz I had just got home.

Have you ever made out in a bathroom?
A garage, but no I do not recall a bathroom.

Do you think the last person you kissed is nice?
To me he is.

Who was the last person to call you?
Brandon Swetland

What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
Water

When is the last time you cried?
Not too long ago but don't remember why or when.

Are you scared of spiders?
huge ones.

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
I don't think I would.

Ever been swimming in a lake or river?
YEAH

Last person you drove with in a car?
mi madre

What’s irritating you right now?
7 year olds

What radio station(s) do you listen to?
102.9 or 94.1

Are you afraid of the dark?
sometimes afraid of what in the dark

Are you listening to music right now?
no

Do you like Chinese food?
yes and it sound realllly good right now seeing how I haven't eaten yet today.

What is the last movie you saw in theaters?
New Moon for a second time. 2012 before that tho.

Is there anyone you wish was still in your life?
Right now I'm good.

Do you get distracted easily?
YEAH. Like I'm having trouble doing this and texting at the same time.

First time you kissed the last person you kissed?
uhhh... you want a date? I couldn't give you that.

Was this the best year of your life?
HELL FUCKING NO (this summer rocked)

Is it easier to forgive or forget?
forgive

Are you jealous of someone?
Not really

What last made you laugh the hardest?
My mom and Adam

Do you flirt a lot?
I'm told I do.

Would you live with someone without marrying them?
Yeah.

Have you ever had a dream about people you love dying?
I don't think I've dreamed of death before.

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Like beging of the summer my mom bro nessa and dad.

Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
yeahhh lol

Who was the last person that made you feel safe, why?
That's a tough one.

Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?
Not really.

Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
He had a weak heart okay?

Do you believe that you are a good boyfriend or girlfriend?
When I am one I don't think I'm that bad, but what do I know?

What did you do yesterday?
Woke up ate took a nap watched tv bit farewell to my cosuins then played bball.

Have you ever dated Someone Older Than You?
Only ever dated older guys lol

What time did you go to bed at and when did you awake?
2ish am - 11ish am

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
kinda of

Believe in love at first sight?
No. That's a phrase that goes against everything about not judging a book by it's cover.

So there you go I found that off of some guys Facebook so I took it. It's a quick update for you. My head is so mixed up right now I can't really sit and write anything constructive. Basically fighting with my dad, Hanging with my best friends, playing basketball, and dealing with 7 year olds who have cell phone but don't have the part of the brain that has reasoning.

So that's about it. I was doodling last nigh so I'm ganna scan it and post it because I think that'll look cool. Warning: Hearing about Adam and Nessa talking about deciding to take the 'risk of fucking everything thing up', it dug up a lot of old memories that I had mentally packed away in a box. I know weird but it works, except last night because it was as if a hole was punched in the top of it. The lid wasn't taken off though because only bits and pieces were coming out.

~Nat

Brian just left again he came over before and after practice lol. Nessa and Jake are over.

Gotta love the random things my brother does at 9:30 p.m. such as play the recorder, make monkey noices for half an hour, or dress up as random sport players.

Snow

Winter vacation officially started today and I got up at 11:45 a.m. I know horrible! I was suppose to run today... oops. I just laid down on the couch under my mom's giant blue jean quilt and finished my book. A lazy day.

I just went and read the last post I made on my old blog and I nearly choked on my gum over some of the things I said. They were all true, but I was so blunt. I guess I was still raw and unguarded, I was hurt over letting my guard down. I guess now I'm still trying to find a happy medium. I can remember back to the 6th grade when I would stay in my room and I had about two friends and everything was password protected and a secret. Taking a look now I am more outgoing but I'm closing in in someways, skipping over the bigger things.

I have little to say today. Guess I just have to much time to think and I can't quite filter it all like I thought myself to do this summer.

Nat

Breath in, take it slow, never look back, and let the haters fall in step behind you.

I just finished reading My Sister's Keeper. It would have been a lot better if anyone that found out I was reading it hadn't given away details.

Have you ever had those days where everything has you on the brink of crying? Then once you brid good night to everyone, hear your door click shut, swifty click the light off so the room if filled with darkness, and let your cheeck touch the pillow, and now that you are surrounded by darkness it is actually comforting, you let out the sobs you been holding in. When the sun comes up in the morning no one thinks any different of you because only you and God know about your plees for change in the darkness the night before.

T.G.I.S.

Thank God It's Saturday.

This was a long week. I do not think I hand more the 6 hours in one night. I know that's horrible. My bones were just acing with tiredness all week. On a good note I finished my book. It was quite different, The Tenth Circle by Jodi Picoult. It was one of those books where you find a book you really want to read, but it's checked out so you grab another one by that author. I finished in it a week, returned it Wednesday and got My Sister's Keeper. I'm about a quarter of the way into it now.

Now I will go back to what I'm sure ALL my reading (joking) want to know about, my post from October 10th. I joined the basketball team. I made it my the tips on my finger nails. I started training back in October twice a week. I was going to 1 on 1 with the Varisity coach and assistant coach on Tuesdays and on Thursdays I was going to conditioning with girls that were planning on trying out. I had been running all summer with the thought in the back of me head. I tried out on November 9th-10th. It was a back-braking practice both days. To tell you the truth in my head in every step I took each day in those two hour pain practices I was second guessing every choice I had made to get myself to that point. I was telling myself that I no longer wanted that, that I didn't want to be on the team, I couldn't take 4 months of that. I didn't stop putting my best effort in. By Tuesday night, I was drained. I didn't give a fuck if I made the team or not. I wasn't nervous the slightest bit, until it was my turn to go sit between Coach Faber and Coach Rubing. At the point Amber had gone before me and had informed me that she hadn't made it. They told me about how they had talked and talked about wither or not I should be on the team due to the fact that I hadn't played in years and the other girls had. That they could tell I had talent I just need to sharpen again. They said if I was on the team there wouldn't one on one, that I wouldn't get a lot of playing time, and that there will be some games that I don't get in at all, but as I got better I would play more often. Then Coach Faber asked me if knowing all of that if wanted to me on the team. My hands were shaking when I told me yes. As I stood up they told me jokingly no boys. I had just started dating Levi the night before so a smile filled my face and practically skipped back to the gym door where Mckeena and Christy had cracked the door to see me coming. And that's how I got myself the Grass Lake High School JV Girls Basketball team my sophomore year. Now we stand 4-0, with my season total of 4 points. My hands started shaking again just thinking of it.

Levi was short lived. It was real and it was a relationship but it wasn't a real relationship. All it did was cause me to get a few scratch on my reputation and cause everyone in the school to get there panties in a wrinkle over the odd match. It reminds me of a time with Trevor when he told me about his mom asking him if he like me or the idea of me, and how he asked me the same question and I knew the answer right way because I too had thought of it before. Levi, was the the guy that was a jerk all the time but when it came to you he softened right up and was quiet and not as confident. The guy that said good morning and good night to you, who was a true country boy and was a total hard ass. I liked the idea of Levi, not Levi.

I have all these new things in my life. Yet some night I want the old.

Just had the freakiest dream ever. It starts out me getting a pass at half court from larissa out of our even press break, a bounce pass around the red girl from Hanover. Then I dribble it down and go to the left, reverse dribble, and shot from the left elbow. I'm fouled and I fall to the ground, a girl falling back from going for the rebound lands right on top of my left arm. Stomps it with her left foot, snaps it dead center between my wrist and eblow. I let out a loud 'FFFU' but don't finih it. Mark Mata and Wes Potts stand in the student section 5 rows from the bottom, they are waiting to see if I'm going to get up. It was very vivid... but I have no need to worry about it because I won't even see any court time at all in the game agaisnt Hanover on Friday.

I have it set up now so I can blog from my phone. I never have time to get on the computer now due to basketball 5 nights a week, so I can text it now. Cool? I know. Right now with this post I am testing to see if long texts post as two different posts on the blog. Mwahahaha! Now I can rant to blogger.com from my phone. Trust me sometime I just sit there waiting before dinner thinking of things I could post to let out some steam, now I can.
(|0|) Idk what that is NAT

Testing my blog from my phone.

Confused

I hate everything being up in the air. I want answers.

Here and Now

Wow... I really did it. I never would have thought that I would ACTUALLY take a real step. I've always planned out ways I'm was going to change myself and my life, but now... I really am. Now all I have to do is work my ass off so this all doesn't blow up in my face. If this goes sour, boy it will suck. Especially now that I've let myself think of my future with it. This could crush me. I feel great about it though. I can't wait. I've made it through two so far, but I still have many more of those firsts to go.

I'm being very vague about this I know. I promise you that by next month this time I will make it very clear what I'm talking about. Let's hope I can do it. I know I can. I have the support I need, and more that I will ask for if I feel I need it.

Making Changes

So, I've finally admitted that summer is over... I packed away my shorts today *tear* Not the p.j. ones or the gym one though. Since the weather is changing, habits are changing, time is changing, our schools football reputation, and my life is changing I decided I would fix up my blog so it was all up today. Seeing how the layout and name are summer oriented. Lets hope I don't jack anything up...

<3

School

So school has started. I have to say it's the strangest year ever. Its just natural yet awkward. It may be because I'm dragging my heals and denying it in my head that school has started. I'm finally expecting that facts.

I keep getting asked who I like... I don't know. I like Cody a little bit. He doesn't like me though. He still flirts with me though online. But I know he doesn't like me. Erin says I got hit on today. By JT. It was stand, I was waiting for someone to laugh and pay him $5. Then with KJ that was funny. It shut Brandon (I think thats his name) up real fast.

I ran a mile today in 8:55. It beat Adam's time but he has a stuffed up nose so he did worse then he would normally. I did shitty though. I had to stop and walk. I think it was more of a mental thing. I thought about it way to much and payed to much attention to my breathing. So I was like 'I need to stop' 'I can't make it'. I like that Ruel tell us were going good. He's an awesome teacher.

My family is driving me insane. Dad loosing his job sucks. He's home ALL the time. And we already budded heads when he was working. Now we're always going at it. And I have to just be like 'whatever. I'm not having this conversation'.

There's just something quick for me to vent.

Summer Melting Away To Fall

This was so not the summer I expected. In May I was ready to get up here, hell I was ready to be up here in February. I'm up here now and I've been up here and I'm making memories that I will savor for this long year to come. I have a feeling its going to crash 'n' burn if this fall doesn't go well, and then I will have a whole new life...

Umbrellas

Umbrellas are for protecting your from the rain. They shield you from the fat drops falling from the sky. Even from the tiny like drops that smash against it like marbles on a hard would floor. But what happens when the umbrella turns inside out and isn't as strong, do you put it away and go fully unprotected? When if the wind catches it and it blows away, and you are forced to go unprotected?

Sunglasses

Sunglasses, I love 'em. Let me rephrase that, I love wearing 'em. It makes everything a different color and makes everything look different. Most of the pairs I have don't even block out the sun. The thing I love the most though is that people can't see your eyes when you have them on. You can look at who you want, for as long as you want and they won't be able to tell unless they really stare at you back. You can be crying and no one will be able to tell until they see the tears.

Every once an' a while

There are certain things you do every so often to remind yourself that you still can. Well at least I do. Sometimes they make a large impact and sometimes nothing changes. Like when I flirt with a guy and get him to like me or when I update on blogger. One will have that guy around for a while and one will be out dated after a day or two. 

Mike says he really likes me... I don't want another Jon. He's really sweet always talking about how a girl should be treated, and what he does to guys that treat woman badly. This relationship reminds me so much of Jon and I. Maybe it's just because were also getting to know each other better by texting then we'll hang out more when I get home. The only thing is... he's 17. I don't think I could to that. I was freaked out enough when I was with a 14 year old having my first kiss. So I think I've decided I won't date Mike. It would be to much pressure. He should be with girls his own age, or at least closer. I want to stay young, and carefree-ish in a relationship were I can be myself and know that the guy doesn't want to go far either. 

ANY WAY MOVING ON... I started drivers  ed. We only had two days this week M & Tue. 10-noon. Its pretty awkward, but learning is easy. The teacher lady is nice, she's easy going, she likes to tell stories which is cool. She likes to call on me though. We have a kid from Mackinaw Island in our class, he has to leave the Island at 7 on a ferry, then take a bus. We also have a kid from Poland! Hes got a VERY unique name and a cool accent, hes here for a month. We have one girl from Kalamazoo, and one from Detroit area, 3 from Onaway, and like 2 from St. Ignace, then the rest from Cheboygan. I think there are like 30 or less all together. We had to have name tags on our desk today and yesterday we had to have a partner and introduce them. We had to ask them their Name, School, Intrests, and a Driving Concern. I got this Austin kid. Hes really cute, like jock cute. Hes nice too. The whole classes is really quiet the teacher jokes that were so tiered. I had this REALLY hyper girl in front  of me today. She like wouldn't shut up she was like the only one in the class that was loud. She like called to people to say hi. I was standing back kinda at brake and she backed into and stepped on me foot. She was like sorry sorry sorry, I just mumbled that it was fine. Then when she walked by me later she knocked my name tag off on accident and was all worried. Shes a weird one.

I didn't run today. I swam and kayaked though. I think I'll run while GG's gone tomorrow. I gone running once by myself and I like it. I took my ipod and it wasn't that bad. I have a pattern. Tomorrow I think I'm ganna run all the way to the Foote Beach, then chill there and then run back. It's not really a run but a jog. It sounds better to call it a run.

I am so fried from the water the other day. My back is like raw. Today we floated on tubes in lake the tops of my legs got burnt but it doesnt sting like my back does after my every move.

Got to do arm work out tomorrow at Memeres

Nat

Being Active

So... I got on Wii Fit last night for the first time in 358 days, I know impressive. Not really but what is impressive is that I have lost 22.7 pounds. I was shocked. I knew I had lost some but not that much I am now 166. It's so awesome. My family and other people keep telling me that I look better. 

Since we are out of P.E. I want to stay active, because lets face it I have a lot more to lose. So every night I have been doing 20 crunches and 20 full sit-ups, and if i feel like it 10 push-ups. I have been trying to do some type of jogging or running everyday. Saturday I chased after Adam, so that counts a little. But yesterday I ran for 10 minutes on 6 mph. Yeah doesn't sound much but you do it then we'll talk. Today Nessa and I tried out jogging... lets just say thats something that I will have to do alone for a little while then walk with her later. It felt so good to jog like that it's probably called running but I'm calling it jogging.  

The neighbors are a little older then us one is probably only a couple years but I think one is like 4 years older. I don't know we just keep casually taking that way for our walks to check them out while they're playing hockey, we call it our heterosexual route... Jake won't walk with us anymore. 

I texted with Mike last night he's nice. I don't know, were like half flirting half just talking. I don't right now I just talk to him for someone to talk too. We talked for like four hours last night. I asked Billy today what Jena thought about the other night, he said she had fun and that Mike had fun too. I was like yeah I've been texting with him. Billy's all like and??? I'm like and what? He's wanting to know what we talk about, normally if I could tell him verbally I would tell Billy all about it, but I just told him that Mike was asking when I was having people over again. Then Billy went on about if Joe had been there, then told me he had to go take a shower. 

We have to go get sponsors tomorrow with our other cousin Sara who lives up here. She's going to be on the Wanigan too this year, so is Zach. Me and Nessa don't really like Sara but we're ganna try hard and have a a fresh start with her this year. We have to dress all up for it. Oh well it's worth it.

Another emotionless post, but I don't feel like putting effort in to it so get over it.

I am making it a goal not to say 'lol' on blogger.

Fire Firday

Hair B-Gone

My fire was so much fun. I met some new people, Mike and Jena. Mike is pretty cool, we've been texting. He's pretty nice, we're like half flirting/talking, it's kinda weird, I don't care he was interesting to text with on my car ride today. I have no idea what his last name is or how old he is. He's cute though so it makes up for it. There are a lot of stories that I could tell about the fire and how it made it as one of the top on my list of  parties. There was awkwardness and fun times and fuckin' hilarious times. I don't feel like telling about it. I'm in a weird mood, so I don't feel like typing much, your lucky you got this much. Check out the video, good times, good times.

I love the little emotion I had in this when I read it back over.

Please Don't Tell On Me... I'll Marry You

"I'm telling!" She whispered to him as they sat on the floor and pulled off their shoes one at a time with both hands.

"No, don't," he pleaded blocking her way to the door. She stood up and walked over to him.

"I'm telling!" She pouted her lips and crossed her arms across her chest.

"No, it was an accident. Don't tell on me," he spread his arms out so a hand was placed on each side of the doorway.

"You still did it!"

"No, don't... I'll marry you!" He said smoothly.

"Okay," she stated as she strutted by him now that his arms had fell to his sides.

Innocent, yet meaningful relationships at the age of six. They can say anything and neither of them know the true meaning of what they're promising to each other or calling it each other. They sit at the kitchen table and laugh at each others cake mustaches. One will be going to the bathroom while the other one stand in the same bathroom doorway and screams to mom asking if they can blow up water balloons in the bathroom.

When do the relationships become so complex? When you learn that married is what your parents are? When you learn that you don't always just go to the hospital because you are physically hurt?

When does that little kid innocence go away? Do you just wake up one day and it's gone? I don't remember when love turned into such a big word for me, or when girls and guys couldn't be left alone together even if they have to intention of doing anything wrong.

Why did the process of getting older get named 'growing up'. Why didn't they call it 'changing slowing' or 'becoming different'.

Life should just be called changing instead of life because thats all everything does is change. Values changes, the meaning of words change, education changes, your height, your weight, your brain, your hands, everything changes. Your heart changes the most though. It at some times in your life is huge and you can be so happy and open to everything and everyone. But then a later you look back and raise an eye brow and try to recall the feeling of being that happy, and being so open. It's a cycle. Big, small, broken, shattered, torn, huge, normal. It no wonder that people have heart failure, think of how much your heart goes though, both of your hearts the one in your mind that is made up of to archs and a point and the one in your chest made of cardiac muscles and blood.

Change, its life.

Everyone is always changing, it all comes down to what conidion your hearts are in when you question if you were meant to be in each others lives.

Why Not One More

Okay, so I messed up the coding or something on The Lunch Table... now I can't fix it. I always have a custom layout on and now I can't get it to have two column, so I figured instead of having it look messed up I would just make a new know one. Its summer so I decided I will have a fresh start and use this one over the summer. Maybe in the fall I will go back to the old one or just make another one... Who knows?

I'm going to try and customs the layout, well they call it a template here.

ttyl