5 Month Leave

Why hello, for all of you that actually read this (only spell check), I forgot about this for a while. Not a big deal. That means to be my phrase, "it's not a big deal." So, do we want an update on what is going on now, or a summary of the last 5 months? Let's go with a summary. I gained 20 pounds back. Sucks, I know. I've been working a little at it to try and reverse it, not that hard though. Oh, well. Not that worried, I will just work my ass of in Track. That's right, I didn't try out for basketball... Neither did Mckeena. I probably should have, but oh well. I'll just work twice as hard in Track. The only thing I worry about is my wrist. This summer I injured it some how and it's still not quiet right.

Now for boy drama. Where do I start... Over the summer I started talking to Trevor more. We hung out at the Relay For Life and a little at Home Coming, but he was a jerk. After that I started my factious illusion that I was over him. That landed me into a nasty situation with Zach. Thinking back now, that should have been something I blogged about. Maybe it would have got me to think about more. I wish I wouldn't have done any of that. It makes me sick to think about now. It's almost to the point where it sickens me to be around Zach. He's just so vulgar and manipulative. Hopefully, when the new semester starts on Monday, it will help things. We went way too far, way too fast. It was strange because we really talked and he mellowed out and softened up, that's not the part that I would take back. I just hate what we did to get there. I also hate how strong I have to be just to be around him. He rags on my intelligence and I can't take that. I think that is what is making me resent him so much. Well, after Zach I found a guy that the complete oppisite it just about every way. He was calm, mellow, shy, introverted, nice, thoughtful, suck up, nerd, and had a job & car. I pushed that relationship too much. Also something I should I took a step back and thought about. John was a shy guy. I got him to ask me out, and about two weeks later I got him to kiss me. Many sound typical relationship, until you factor in that after a week of dating John, Trevor weaseled his way in. He told me that he had made a mistake breaking up with me. He said that he had felt this way for around a year and was scared to tell me... GREAT NEWS! If I hadn't just started dating John after pushing so hard for that relationship and talking to him so long before I wouldn't just break up with him and jump into my past. I dated him for a little over a month. He was a very sweet guy. He payed for everything, except my smoothie the day I broke up with him. John, just like Jon, got me an nice piece of jewelry after only dating a month. He gave me a pretty necklace. I gave it back when we broke up, he text me later saying I didn't have to do that but what's done is done. Three days after I broke up with John; Adam, Nessa, Trev, and me went to the movies. Trev agreed to come with us before he even knew I was single. Strange, I know. We reconnected that night, almost like when we were innocent freshman in 2009. It felt like a dream. I had had so many just like that night. After that we hung out a few more times until Trev got sick. Then died, just kidding. That sounded like what would have been coming in a depressing fiction novel. That's not what's happening though. He's sick right now, and when he's sick he won't go anywhere near me. But we hung out on MLK day, and he kissed me forehead. I started thinking too much this week, and I talked to Zach about it on Tuesday (Now known as Zach Day) and he was very negative about it, but I always ignore his opinion. He doesn't think I should go back to an ex-boyfriend. He says all the same problems will be there this time that were there last time. I think he's right, but that we will be mature enough to talk about them this time. So to work on being more mature, I simply asked Trev if he was giving the cold shoulder. He reassured me that he isn't, that he hasn't felt well, and he want to act 'normal' at school. I told him 'normal' is lame, and that I took it as cold shoulder because we don't talk. His reasoning was because one have one class together and we don't sit together in that class. In my opinion though, I think he would at least say hi to me in that class while we stand around at the end of class. Or he can make eye contact with me if catch eyes. I don't know. I'm known for expecting too much out of a guy. Oh, well. Well see. We have the same lunch, so he has no excuse now :P He's been busy the last few weekends and he's still on antibiotics, so he doesn't like to hang out when he's sick because he's paranoid about getting me sick. It feels like a dream or at some times a chick flick. I don't want to push anything. At times I feel like it's so fragile, that if I blink for too long or sleep too long that I will look around and it will all have been a dream or see every thing shattered.

Well that's about all I have to say about that. I'm sure I could add much more, but I don't want to go into detail. I'm working on that. Not telling everyone everything. I'm doing some what good on this. I guess.

Well good night. Oh, and my new thing to do is to send a quote to my 1o people every night. I've been doing it since October.

Night,

Nat

Going to try something new. I'm going to make my own cake, with fondant. I have no clue how it's going to turn out. I'm going to buy it pre-made from Wal-Mart, Meijers, Michael's, some place like that. I still haven't quite decided what it's going to look like though. I've got a few ideas, but nothing solid.

Mini-Vacation

I just got back from a mini-vacation. It was amazing. I didn't even feel like we were in the same state. It was great. 

Thought I would share some photos.

85 degrees

Award Winning Photo

From Up in a Light House

Self explanatory

Anyway, it was a lot of fun, and laughing. Currently it's pouring outside and I'm eating a Hersey's bar that melted and I put in the fridge. It no longer has the logo on it. It's strange how it doesn't even taste the same. I'm starting to get nerves about my birthday party. Before I sent out the invites I didn't even care. Now, I'm nerves. 

Well, that's it.

Nata

Depressing?

I looked back at some of my old posts... I'm a very depressing person. Maybe I only looked at posts that at certain tags, but still. I guess I only really post when I'm sad. When I'm happy there's no need to post.

I woke up this morning and something was wrong. I could feel it. The second my brother got upstairs he solved it. My dad was still at the house. On a Monday. When he has a job.  Still it's a temp job, and he makes more on unemployment, but still. It pinched my heart. I still feel a little upset about it. We're up north now, so it will allow my mom to straighten out what she need to straighten out. Why can't life just be plain and simple. Ugh. It just takes too much out of me to thing about.

Bye

No More Laughing Out Loud

I got this sweet new gadget. I can update my blog from it. I don't have to login through the website. Just right here on my desktop. Moving on!
Last night, Baileigh tried to get who Trev liked out of him. He wouldn't let her. Surprise, surprise. He didn't deny liking me but he didn't say he did. I think through out that day today I have mustered up the guts to ask him flat out. I'm nearly dead set on it. But, I'm slowly leaking out my confidence... I want him to be at my birthday party. If things get weird he won't come. We talked for like two hours last night online. I just need the guts to ask him myself, to end my confusion. I don't want to hear his answer though. I do, but I don't. I only want to hear it if it's what I want to hear. Anyway, Baileigh talking to him only screwed with my head. It got him to IM me first though. I know, I know. Moving on!
I have two new goals to focus on. Goal #1: To never used the acronym "lol." After I sucsessfully do that for a little while, I will try to not use them at all. I feel like it will help with my speech and my communication skills. I think it will help me carry out conversations better. Using it now makes me thing of someone who is immature and uneducated. Nessa and Adam use it way to much, so now evey time I use it it sickens me. Therefore, I'm not going to use it. Goal #2: It is a little less envasice. I'm making it a goal not to use the A/C in the van as much. I'm going to be driving that the most when I get my liscence. My neighbor said if you don't use the A/C much it will last longer. So, I'm not going to use it. (Ah, just nearly used "lol" while IMing. Backspaced it though.)
Anywho!
That's about it for now.

Kiss. Kiss. (haha)

Natalie

A Long Update

I planned on writing a really long rant. I did, really. After I had to log in though, I lost it. I no longer felt like it.

So, quite outline. Still like the same person, which sucks ass. I don't want to go to basketball, but my mom says we paid the money I'm going. Therefore, I have to suffer through it. I don't even know if I plan on trying out this year. Maybe I can join some work out class. I could get a job instead of a sport in the fall and winter. Then only do Track in the spring. I love track. It's great. It also makes basketball look like a lot of work... and confusion. Anyway that's a ways away.

I wish I could be up north... It's killing me that Nessa is up there sleeping in my bed. Ugh. It drives me up a wall that I'm here fretting about basketball and she's up there tubing without me. It just bothers me. That has always been my thing to stay up there with GG. I guess she needs a chance too, but still. All she does it whine about missing Adam and my brother. "Brandon doesn't know what no means." That got under my skin. Also, when she put it as her status that, "I'm going to cry to get everything I want." The post got me pretty fired up. I even commented on it... But I deleted it. I didn't want to start any fights.

On a better note, I get to go back up north after Brian's graduation party. Band camp was postponed, so now I can go back up north sooner. My mom says I'm not going to band camp if it's the week she has off of work. If they schedule it then she says I'm just not going. Works for me. They can't require us to go if they don't give us a fair amount of time before.

Also, my dad got a job through a Temp Agency. His unemployment ran out and they didn't know if they were going to renew it. So, now he has a temp job.

This turned out be some what lengthy after all. I tried to not repeat myself much. To make it more flowing. I put a lot of fragments in there too. Opps.

Nat

My New Theroy

So my new way to get over him is to forget about the memories and remember new ones as friends. If it goes a different way then cool, if not well were just friends. I'm ready to find someone new. So, I think I'm going to go to my church group thing on Sunday nights. I know that's bad to go to a church to meet new guys but, I think if it helps heal my heart then I think God will understand.

I also need to go back to my 'lifestyle change' before I start putting even more pounds back on. This summer I know I'll be strict again.

Today I looked at all the people prom pictures on Facebook. I'm excited for my prom next year. I hope Nessa and Adam stay together, so we can go to prom together. :) That would be so much fun. :) Here are some of the dresses I've been looking at today. Only the unique ones. When I go to prom they won't be anything like these. Mine will be cheaper. :)