I Hate Billy Billoli

So I've cracked. I have to take things into my own hands. I'm going to. It's scaring me thinking about it. But, I can't wait around again. I'm not the same girl that did before. Last night at the dance I feel like things changed between us again. Or at least I hope so... If only I could telepathically get him to do something...

I went to track meeting on Wednesday. It was scary. Haha.

My moms trying to make things better. It's not working. He's an idiot. Who need to like go back to high school again or something. Seriously I think my brain is more developed and hes 44 or something.

Natalie

Mixed Update

Some nights I feel like I'm 5 years old. I tear up for no reason, cuddle a stuffed dog, and curl up under a blanket that doesn't cover my feet if I'm laying the wrong way. It's sad, but it's what comforts me lately. My mind will start to clear and my stomach loses that's sour ace that tosses around in it most nights.
*deep breath*
It's hard to reassure your best-friend/sister/cousin that her boyfriend likes her more then her likes you. It doesn't help that its the first thing out of everyone's mouth when they find out. Then I have to see the two of them all happy and cuddly and my brother makes a remark when you tell them to stop holding hands while were getting food "That's what you and Trevor did all the time." I'm over him but seriously way to through salt in my wounds that are being picked at by my cousin and best-friend both started dating someone... Did I say mention it's each other?
I lost my necklace. It's stupid because I remember putting it in my bag thinking this isn't safe. Now I can't find it :(
~Nat (that took 7 messages)

T.G.I.S.

Thank God It's Saturday.

This was a long week. I do not think I hand more the 6 hours in one night. I know that's horrible. My bones were just acing with tiredness all week. On a good note I finished my book. It was quite different, The Tenth Circle by Jodi Picoult. It was one of those books where you find a book you really want to read, but it's checked out so you grab another one by that author. I finished in it a week, returned it Wednesday and got My Sister's Keeper. I'm about a quarter of the way into it now.

Now I will go back to what I'm sure ALL my reading (joking) want to know about, my post from October 10th. I joined the basketball team. I made it my the tips on my finger nails. I started training back in October twice a week. I was going to 1 on 1 with the Varisity coach and assistant coach on Tuesdays and on Thursdays I was going to conditioning with girls that were planning on trying out. I had been running all summer with the thought in the back of me head. I tried out on November 9th-10th. It was a back-braking practice both days. To tell you the truth in my head in every step I took each day in those two hour pain practices I was second guessing every choice I had made to get myself to that point. I was telling myself that I no longer wanted that, that I didn't want to be on the team, I couldn't take 4 months of that. I didn't stop putting my best effort in. By Tuesday night, I was drained. I didn't give a fuck if I made the team or not. I wasn't nervous the slightest bit, until it was my turn to go sit between Coach Faber and Coach Rubing. At the point Amber had gone before me and had informed me that she hadn't made it. They told me about how they had talked and talked about wither or not I should be on the team due to the fact that I hadn't played in years and the other girls had. That they could tell I had talent I just need to sharpen again. They said if I was on the team there wouldn't one on one, that I wouldn't get a lot of playing time, and that there will be some games that I don't get in at all, but as I got better I would play more often. Then Coach Faber asked me if knowing all of that if wanted to me on the team. My hands were shaking when I told me yes. As I stood up they told me jokingly no boys. I had just started dating Levi the night before so a smile filled my face and practically skipped back to the gym door where Mckeena and Christy had cracked the door to see me coming. And that's how I got myself the Grass Lake High School JV Girls Basketball team my sophomore year. Now we stand 4-0, with my season total of 4 points. My hands started shaking again just thinking of it.

Levi was short lived. It was real and it was a relationship but it wasn't a real relationship. All it did was cause me to get a few scratch on my reputation and cause everyone in the school to get there panties in a wrinkle over the odd match. It reminds me of a time with Trevor when he told me about his mom asking him if he like me or the idea of me, and how he asked me the same question and I knew the answer right way because I too had thought of it before. Levi, was the the guy that was a jerk all the time but when it came to you he softened right up and was quiet and not as confident. The guy that said good morning and good night to you, who was a true country boy and was a total hard ass. I liked the idea of Levi, not Levi.

I have all these new things in my life. Yet some night I want the old.

Confused

I hate everything being up in the air. I want answers.

Making Changes

So, I've finally admitted that summer is over... I packed away my shorts today *tear* Not the p.j. ones or the gym one though. Since the weather is changing, habits are changing, time is changing, our schools football reputation, and my life is changing I decided I would fix up my blog so it was all up today. Seeing how the layout and name are summer oriented. Lets hope I don't jack anything up...

<3

Every once an' a while

There are certain things you do every so often to remind yourself that you still can. Well at least I do. Sometimes they make a large impact and sometimes nothing changes. Like when I flirt with a guy and get him to like me or when I update on blogger. One will have that guy around for a while and one will be out dated after a day or two. 

Mike says he really likes me... I don't want another Jon. He's really sweet always talking about how a girl should be treated, and what he does to guys that treat woman badly. This relationship reminds me so much of Jon and I. Maybe it's just because were also getting to know each other better by texting then we'll hang out more when I get home. The only thing is... he's 17. I don't think I could to that. I was freaked out enough when I was with a 14 year old having my first kiss. So I think I've decided I won't date Mike. It would be to much pressure. He should be with girls his own age, or at least closer. I want to stay young, and carefree-ish in a relationship were I can be myself and know that the guy doesn't want to go far either. 

ANY WAY MOVING ON... I started drivers  ed. We only had two days this week M & Tue. 10-noon. Its pretty awkward, but learning is easy. The teacher lady is nice, she's easy going, she likes to tell stories which is cool. She likes to call on me though. We have a kid from Mackinaw Island in our class, he has to leave the Island at 7 on a ferry, then take a bus. We also have a kid from Poland! Hes got a VERY unique name and a cool accent, hes here for a month. We have one girl from Kalamazoo, and one from Detroit area, 3 from Onaway, and like 2 from St. Ignace, then the rest from Cheboygan. I think there are like 30 or less all together. We had to have name tags on our desk today and yesterday we had to have a partner and introduce them. We had to ask them their Name, School, Intrests, and a Driving Concern. I got this Austin kid. Hes really cute, like jock cute. Hes nice too. The whole classes is really quiet the teacher jokes that were so tiered. I had this REALLY hyper girl in front  of me today. She like wouldn't shut up she was like the only one in the class that was loud. She like called to people to say hi. I was standing back kinda at brake and she backed into and stepped on me foot. She was like sorry sorry sorry, I just mumbled that it was fine. Then when she walked by me later she knocked my name tag off on accident and was all worried. Shes a weird one.

I didn't run today. I swam and kayaked though. I think I'll run while GG's gone tomorrow. I gone running once by myself and I like it. I took my ipod and it wasn't that bad. I have a pattern. Tomorrow I think I'm ganna run all the way to the Foote Beach, then chill there and then run back. It's not really a run but a jog. It sounds better to call it a run.

I am so fried from the water the other day. My back is like raw. Today we floated on tubes in lake the tops of my legs got burnt but it doesnt sting like my back does after my every move.

Got to do arm work out tomorrow at Memeres

Nat