Depressing

Wow, I'm depressing. No wonder no one comments. (or that fact that no one reads it haha) I was reading my old blog and I was much more up beat. I guess this family of mine is just constantly pulling me in all directions and I get spread too thin some days. I have to be the peace makers, the one who puts the baby to bed. Well, I guess he's not a baby anymore. I find myself calling him Boogs, short for boogers, instead of Babe. 

Billy Billoli turned my world upside down. I get a pit in the bottom of my stomach just thinking about it. Still enjoying my good mood. It's just taring me apart. I don't know if I should leave the past in the past, or pick up some pieces. Oh, I want to pick up the pieces so bad. I guess this is something I used to talk to Michael Bice about, but I don't get on AIM anymore so I don't talk to him. I don't really want to. Like my mom said, "You don't really want to go though telling everyone again." And I don't. Ah, how I long for Billy to get back to me. I swear that boy! I just can't keep it out of my mind. I'm going to get crushed. I just know it, and yet... 

Crazy woman who is taring down her walls of protection,

Natalie

(I accidentally posted this to my old one! I went to re-read it while I was editing and changing things and it wasn't there! I found it thought. Haha!)

School

So school has started. I have to say it's the strangest year ever. Its just natural yet awkward. It may be because I'm dragging my heals and denying it in my head that school has started. I'm finally expecting that facts.

I keep getting asked who I like... I don't know. I like Cody a little bit. He doesn't like me though. He still flirts with me though online. But I know he doesn't like me. Erin says I got hit on today. By JT. It was stand, I was waiting for someone to laugh and pay him $5. Then with KJ that was funny. It shut Brandon (I think thats his name) up real fast.

I ran a mile today in 8:55. It beat Adam's time but he has a stuffed up nose so he did worse then he would normally. I did shitty though. I had to stop and walk. I think it was more of a mental thing. I thought about it way to much and payed to much attention to my breathing. So I was like 'I need to stop' 'I can't make it'. I like that Ruel tell us were going good. He's an awesome teacher.

My family is driving me insane. Dad loosing his job sucks. He's home ALL the time. And we already budded heads when he was working. Now we're always going at it. And I have to just be like 'whatever. I'm not having this conversation'.

There's just something quick for me to vent.