Sorry it decied to send in 11 different posts.

Well I'm torn between old and new. My mystery man, which is not much of a mystery anymore, and my weakness...him. I let myself fall again the other day. My guard completly down, as if I hadn't worked the last year on building it up... I can only imagine how pathetic I looked. Not only did I let my guard down, I spilt my guts. No, not about having feelings for him but why my dad is the way he is... He made a remark and I imagine he got a different answer then he was expecting... Billy found out who my mystery man is today. It's not like I hide it. My mother and brother are trying to guess who I like, they've said his name twice, but I told them no. They don't suspect it at all. I also told them I'm not going to tell them when they're right.

I can hear water falling from the roof left from the rain earlier today. I love it when it rains, it's my favorite thing. One day it would be interesting to kiss in the rain. I can see myself in the rain, all romantic-like, but I picture who I'm with.

I wonder if Billy would be able to do some digging for me this time, unlike last time. He was so reluntant to find out who it was. I wonder if he wants to hook us up just as bad, probably.

My home life is falling to pieces for a 3rd time. This time I'm not just playing along. I'm not encouraging it this time, a new approch. I know it won't fix it but I need a new way to deal with it myself. It's hurting me to. It kills me when I think how I'm stronger then my father.

Well I've said enough tonight,
ohhhh thunder I love spring.
Nat

Billy Billoli

I have sinned. It's bitter sweet. I know I should not me be thinking this but I can't help it. Billoli is talking to someone... and it's got me all hyper. I mentioned to him that I would take that boy back in a heartbeat and he said 'don't do anything stupid'. All because I was talking about being alone on Valentine's Day. I love my neighbor. We're going to do track together, only if he parents okay it though... So well see. 

I hyper now. I should not be getting me hopes up, but it's put me in this great mood. So if I get a little hurt well at least I go a few things accomplished while I am in this mood.

~Natalie