Depressing?

I looked back at some of my old posts... I'm a very depressing person. Maybe I only looked at posts that at certain tags, but still. I guess I only really post when I'm sad. When I'm happy there's no need to post.

I woke up this morning and something was wrong. I could feel it. The second my brother got upstairs he solved it. My dad was still at the house. On a Monday. When he has a job.  Still it's a temp job, and he makes more on unemployment, but still. It pinched my heart. I still feel a little upset about it. We're up north now, so it will allow my mom to straighten out what she need to straighten out. Why can't life just be plain and simple. Ugh. It just takes too much out of me to thing about.

Bye

New Templete

Blogger has done a great job with there new layouts. I love it . It was very user friendly and they are actually backgrounds I like. Now I don't have to import my layouts. I also don't have to redo my gadgets every time I redo my template.

I had planned on writing a long post but this computer does not seem to be agreeing with my and lagging very bad. So I think I have just update you all. (haha)

My mystery man is no longer a mystery. Billy Billoli let everyone know at lunch. Now I get funny looks when I talk to him from them. As well a Makeena not shutting up about it all other times of the day,

We had to run around town on Friday. Oh there, I closed two tabs and now the computer's fine. Anyway, it was the longest thing ever my god. My calves killed. I think it's from the type of heel my new shoes have. So I stretched whenever we stopped. We had to slow down to a walk so many times because of two girls in our group of 6 couldn't keep up because of this we came in last. We did get pop-sickles when we got back to the school. We have pictures Monday and our first meet is Tuesday. Right now I am looking up shot-put technique videos. haha. Some are just people doing there glide. Some look like mine, which are never good.

It is now 2 AM and my internet is uncapped until 7 AM. Yay.

I went to Nessa's yesterday and we went to ZAP Zone. It was amazing I kicked butt. I came in 2nd, 1st, and 7th. I was fun to be over and Nessa's on not be constantly reminded of my problems. My idiotic mother did not relize that I did actully want to stay another night and was having Nessa ask. So tonight once we got home and I was getting the computer from her she asked me, "So did you really want to stay the night again?" I was livid. I made a few smart remarks and walked out of her room. So here I sit on my bed with the laptop on my lap with a knot in the back of my throat holding back the tears that I have made a habit of crying each night. During the day I rarely feel the need to cry but as soon as the lights are off in my room my breath catches and I let out many silent sobs to God.

Well that's all for tonight.

Nat

Suppose to be from my cell...

Uhhh. My head feels mangled, twisted, torn. I feels as though it is being filled and stepped repeatedly. I'm setting myself up for heart brake. It's killing me. I feel drained by the end of the day, from this mental war I'm fighting. I feel as though I'm reanacting freshman year. If I am the crash is coming soon. If only... But I need to face the facts. He dumped me. Last year at that. As Sam puts it "oh, oh, that's bad. You need to just forget him and move on." He's right, I do; and yet, I'm not. I just wish there was some other guy to take my mind off of him. But I want to be with someone smart, but funny, as well as cute, snd nice. So basicly the few there are at Grass Lake. I want that one... Every guy is forever going to be put into a vantiagram vs. Trevor. It's just how my brain works.

I'm so nerves for track. I'm out of shape again. Everyone else is going to know what they want to run and I won't. It's going to be like b-ball all over again. Hopefully I get just as lucky with a coach as I did with Fabor, he's in a way like the dad I picture.

I was kind of sad today. Twice today, I had the thought, "what would everyone do if I just started balling."
Well I'm going to go back to reading. Night.

~Nat

From where I'm looking now I take back all the thing I said about you because now I think you did what was best. Now that I'm seeing the old you again its clawwing into the grave I barried what we had in and bring back everything. I don't want that it messes with my head. It pulls back not only the memories of you but everything else that has happened. I've moved on, which I'm proud of. I'm a new me and your going back to the old you, but its to late for me to go back. I changed this summer and from this last fall I'm starting to see it more and more. I'm not that tough ass and who was happy at school and lazy at home. I cried at the bus stop this morning over a fight with my dad a >20 word conversation brought me to tears. I run everyday, I'n on a team now. I have friends all over and I'm not treated like shit anymore and I dated the biggest redneck in our class. I made my closest friend I'll ever have this summer and it changed me, shes the closest to my heart and we can say anything to each other. I find my self going to say sonething and then I remember that no one but her would understand.

Well I have finals in the morning so I should get some sleep.
~Natalie

Have you ever had those days where everything has you on the brink of crying? Then once you brid good night to everyone, hear your door click shut, swifty click the light off so the room if filled with darkness, and let your cheeck touch the pillow, and now that you are surrounded by darkness it is actually comforting, you let out the sobs you been holding in. When the sun comes up in the morning no one thinks any different of you because only you and God know about your plees for change in the darkness the night before.

Umbrellas

Umbrellas are for protecting your from the rain. They shield you from the fat drops falling from the sky. Even from the tiny like drops that smash against it like marbles on a hard would floor. But what happens when the umbrella turns inside out and isn't as strong, do you put it away and go fully unprotected? When if the wind catches it and it blows away, and you are forced to go unprotected?

Sunglasses

Sunglasses, I love 'em. Let me rephrase that, I love wearing 'em. It makes everything a different color and makes everything look different. Most of the pairs I have don't even block out the sun. The thing I love the most though is that people can't see your eyes when you have them on. You can look at who you want, for as long as you want and they won't be able to tell unless they really stare at you back. You can be crying and no one will be able to tell until they see the tears.