F My Life

Today, I had an elderly woman come up to me and tell me how well I pull off the look of being bald. She said that most women can't look attractive without hair. Then she asked me if I had cancer. I had to explain to her that I am, in fact, a man, and I shave my head because I'm a swimmer. FML
#12448497 (110)
it definitely does! (5136) - you totally deserved it (437)
On 08/11/2010 at 4:10am - health - by Jayswizzle (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I pretended to go for a run to impress someone on AIM. FML
#12252976 (185)
I agree, your life sucks (1572) - yeah! way to show 'em (8041)
On 08/01/2010 at 9:59pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend's father offered her $10 to stop talking to me. I don't have a girlfriend anymore. FML
#12266634 (187)
I agree, your life sucks (8099) - you totally deserved it (722)
On 08/02/2010 at 1:55pm - love - by hAHAha Halo (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I was over at a friend's house. I guess she never mentioned to her mom that she had been teaching me Chinese because I understood her mom perfectly when she said "I thought I told you not to bring that b**** over anymore." FML
#12193403 (128)
I agree, your life sucks (6518) - you totally deserved it (345)
On 07/29/2010 at 8:17pm - misc - by hellooeloraa - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML
#8894345 (198)
I agree, your life sucks (14809) - you totally deserved it (1159)
On 03/07/2010 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by woopdeedo_1 (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML
#8894345 (198)
I agree, your life sucks (14809) - you totally deserved it (1159)
On 03/07/2010 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by woopdeedo_1 (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)


Today, I was pulled over by a cop and was fined $210 for making an illegal u-turn. When the cop finished writing my ticket and hopped in his car, he made the same u-turn. FML
#9770202 (236)
I agree, your life sucks (28093) - you totally deserved it (4185)
On 04/10/2010 at 1:00am - money - by lance - Australia (New South Wales)


Today, my boyfriend came over while I was babysitting my little brother. He wouldn't stay in bed, so my boyfriend told him,"If you don't stay in bed, the monster will eat you!" I now have to wash my brother's bedsheets, because he was too afraid to get up and go pee. FML
#12108536 (69)
I agree, your life sucks (3162) - you totally deserved it (1016)
On 07/25/2010 at 7:21pm - kids - by animelover (woman) - Canada (Quebec)


Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times he told me "Why it feels good, trust me." I asked him how would he know. There was a long awkward silence when he then replied with "I'm not gay I swear." FML
#7563904 (135)
I agree, your life sucks (11587) - you totally deserved it (1820)
On 01/25/2010 at 3:47am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)


Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend by showing up outside her window at night. She looked at me, mouthing to me through the window, "Do you like me?" I smiled and said back, "Yes! A lot!" Turns out she said, "Do you lie to me?" She won't talk to me. FML
#11964828 (30)
I agree, your life sucks (365) - you totally deserved it (51)
On 07/18/2010 at 3:57pm - love - by JayyGuido (man) - United States (Texas)


Today, I was riding the train and saw a cute guy licking his lips at me. Flattered, I gave him my number when the train stopped. He looked at me and said, "Don't flatter yourself. You have mustard on your face." FML
#11966338 (42)
I agree, your life sucks (364) - you totally deserved it (164)
On 07/18/2010 at 5:47pm - misc - by anonmys - United States (California)


Today, I got dumped because I was on my period. Apparently he was pissed because I have one "like, every single month." FML
#9442301 (379)
I agree, your life sucks (38325) - you totally deserved it (4899)
On 03/28/2010 at 5:04am - intimacy - by GingaNinga - Australia (Western Australia)