Sorry it decied to send in 11 different posts.

Well I'm torn between old and new. My mystery man, which is not much of a mystery anymore, and my weakness...him. I let myself fall again the other day. My guard completly down, as if I hadn't worked the last year on building it up... I can only imagine how pathetic I looked. Not only did I let my guard down, I spilt my guts. No, not about having feelings for him but why my dad is the way he is... He made a remark and I imagine he got a different answer then he was expecting... Billy found out who my mystery man is today. It's not like I hide it. My mother and brother are trying to guess who I like, they've said his name twice, but I told them no. They don't suspect it at all. I also told them I'm not going to tell them when they're right.

I can hear water falling from the roof left from the rain earlier today. I love it when it rains, it's my favorite thing. One day it would be interesting to kiss in the rain. I can see myself in the rain, all romantic-like, but I picture who I'm with.

I wonder if Billy would be able to do some digging for me this time, unlike last time. He was so reluntant to find out who it was. I wonder if he wants to hook us up just as bad, probably.

My home life is falling to pieces for a 3rd time. This time I'm not just playing along. I'm not encouraging it this time, a new approch. I know it won't fix it but I need a new way to deal with it myself. It's hurting me to. It kills me when I think how I'm stronger then my father.

Well I've said enough tonight,
ohhhh thunder I love spring.
Nat

Mixed Update

Some nights I feel like I'm 5 years old. I tear up for no reason, cuddle a stuffed dog, and curl up under a blanket that doesn't cover my feet if I'm laying the wrong way. It's sad, but it's what comforts me lately. My mind will start to clear and my stomach loses that's sour ace that tosses around in it most nights.
*deep breath*
It's hard to reassure your best-friend/sister/cousin that her boyfriend likes her more then her likes you. It doesn't help that its the first thing out of everyone's mouth when they find out. Then I have to see the two of them all happy and cuddly and my brother makes a remark when you tell them to stop holding hands while were getting food "That's what you and Trevor did all the time." I'm over him but seriously way to through salt in my wounds that are being picked at by my cousin and best-friend both started dating someone... Did I say mention it's each other?
I lost my necklace. It's stupid because I remember putting it in my bag thinking this isn't safe. Now I can't find it :(
~Nat (that took 7 messages)