No More Laughing Out Loud

I got this sweet new gadget. I can update my blog from it. I don't have to login through the website. Just right here on my desktop. Moving on!
Last night, Baileigh tried to get who Trev liked out of him. He wouldn't let her. Surprise, surprise. He didn't deny liking me but he didn't say he did. I think through out that day today I have mustered up the guts to ask him flat out. I'm nearly dead set on it. But, I'm slowly leaking out my confidence... I want him to be at my birthday party. If things get weird he won't come. We talked for like two hours last night online. I just need the guts to ask him myself, to end my confusion. I don't want to hear his answer though. I do, but I don't. I only want to hear it if it's what I want to hear. Anyway, Baileigh talking to him only screwed with my head. It got him to IM me first though. I know, I know. Moving on!
I have two new goals to focus on. Goal #1: To never used the acronym "lol." After I sucsessfully do that for a little while, I will try to not use them at all. I feel like it will help with my speech and my communication skills. I think it will help me carry out conversations better. Using it now makes me thing of someone who is immature and uneducated. Nessa and Adam use it way to much, so now evey time I use it it sickens me. Therefore, I'm not going to use it. Goal #2: It is a little less envasice. I'm making it a goal not to use the A/C in the van as much. I'm going to be driving that the most when I get my liscence. My neighbor said if you don't use the A/C much it will last longer. So, I'm not going to use it. (Ah, just nearly used "lol" while IMing. Backspaced it though.)
Anywho!
That's about it for now.

Kiss. Kiss. (haha)

Natalie

Girls Are Smart, Guys Are Dumb

I need an inside man. I need someone to help settle this once and for all. Yet... The last few days I really don't want to know... Guys are so stupid. They send freaking mixed signals. I am driving myself nuts over this. I want to know... and I want it to be to my benefit.

I've got myself some new friends. They crack me up, all of them. My track friends are crazy perverts that creep me out, but they are so much fun. Also, this guy Zach. He cracks me up. He makes my day so much brighter. We skipped down the hallway with linked arms the other day. Marissa and I are his hoes. He walks down the hall with his arms around our shoulders.

I think our school need to do like the Amish village in my book and swap guys with another school. I just want to meet a new amazing guy, that's single, crazy, smart, ambitious, nice, upfront, spontaneous, and it would be a added bonus if he could drive. :) Oh and don't forget a cutie. :p There's slim pickin's at my school. Either they are jerks, stupid, ugly, your ex, still stinging it out with an ex, or too shy to make a move.

I'm a dreamer lately, bare with me. I'm sure I'll get over him again soon. If only...

Natalie

I got in :)

I got the WIE scholarship at MTU.

Today was pretty good. Things are in the in-between right now.I'm not happy, but I'm not sad. Some changes are being made and trying to settle into them.

I haven't really felt like writing. I promise I'm write more as soon as I feel like it.

Until my next update,
Nat

We Are Freaks

So guess where I went tonight... Wrong... Wrong... Wrong again. Trevor Murray's house. I know! We called up his mom to take over the book worms we make for her classes and we went over to drop them off. His mom deiced we were going to have ice cream so she left my bother, Trev, and Me alone, and went to Frank's with my mom. We had fun. We had ice cream sundaes. Then my brother and him played PS3 and I sat between them... I played keep away with his hat. :) We flirted like mad while we played NBA and NHL. He wasn't even paying attention to the NBA game and got beat by ten to my brother... He had been talking with me. :)

I text him when we got home saying we got home alive, we talked about stuff, but I think he fell asleep. He keeps saying he was coming over tomorrow for a hair cut... I hope so. ;) I'm babysitting Billoli's brother at 2, so I told him before then. I hope he seriously does. I'm falling for that boy again.

Sorry it decied to send in 11 different posts.

Well I'm torn between old and new. My mystery man, which is not much of a mystery anymore, and my weakness...him. I let myself fall again the other day. My guard completly down, as if I hadn't worked the last year on building it up... I can only imagine how pathetic I looked. Not only did I let my guard down, I spilt my guts. No, not about having feelings for him but why my dad is the way he is... He made a remark and I imagine he got a different answer then he was expecting... Billy found out who my mystery man is today. It's not like I hide it. My mother and brother are trying to guess who I like, they've said his name twice, but I told them no. They don't suspect it at all. I also told them I'm not going to tell them when they're right.

I can hear water falling from the roof left from the rain earlier today. I love it when it rains, it's my favorite thing. One day it would be interesting to kiss in the rain. I can see myself in the rain, all romantic-like, but I picture who I'm with.

I wonder if Billy would be able to do some digging for me this time, unlike last time. He was so reluntant to find out who it was. I wonder if he wants to hook us up just as bad, probably.

My home life is falling to pieces for a 3rd time. This time I'm not just playing along. I'm not encouraging it this time, a new approch. I know it won't fix it but I need a new way to deal with it myself. It's hurting me to. It kills me when I think how I'm stronger then my father.

Well I've said enough tonight,
ohhhh thunder I love spring.
Nat

Suppose to be from my cell...

Uhhh. My head feels mangled, twisted, torn. I feels as though it is being filled and stepped repeatedly. I'm setting myself up for heart brake. It's killing me. I feel drained by the end of the day, from this mental war I'm fighting. I feel as though I'm reanacting freshman year. If I am the crash is coming soon. If only... But I need to face the facts. He dumped me. Last year at that. As Sam puts it "oh, oh, that's bad. You need to just forget him and move on." He's right, I do; and yet, I'm not. I just wish there was some other guy to take my mind off of him. But I want to be with someone smart, but funny, as well as cute, snd nice. So basicly the few there are at Grass Lake. I want that one... Every guy is forever going to be put into a vantiagram vs. Trevor. It's just how my brain works.

I'm so nerves for track. I'm out of shape again. Everyone else is going to know what they want to run and I won't. It's going to be like b-ball all over again. Hopefully I get just as lucky with a coach as I did with Fabor, he's in a way like the dad I picture.

I was kind of sad today. Twice today, I had the thought, "what would everyone do if I just started balling."
Well I'm going to go back to reading. Night.

~Nat

Billy Billoli

I have sinned. It's bitter sweet. I know I should not me be thinking this but I can't help it. Billoli is talking to someone... and it's got me all hyper. I mentioned to him that I would take that boy back in a heartbeat and he said 'don't do anything stupid'. All because I was talking about being alone on Valentine's Day. I love my neighbor. We're going to do track together, only if he parents okay it though... So well see. 

I hyper now. I should not be getting me hopes up, but it's put me in this great mood. So if I get a little hurt well at least I go a few things accomplished while I am in this mood.

~Natalie

From where I'm looking now I take back all the thing I said about you because now I think you did what was best. Now that I'm seeing the old you again its clawwing into the grave I barried what we had in and bring back everything. I don't want that it messes with my head. It pulls back not only the memories of you but everything else that has happened. I've moved on, which I'm proud of. I'm a new me and your going back to the old you, but its to late for me to go back. I changed this summer and from this last fall I'm starting to see it more and more. I'm not that tough ass and who was happy at school and lazy at home. I cried at the bus stop this morning over a fight with my dad a >20 word conversation brought me to tears. I run everyday, I'n on a team now. I have friends all over and I'm not treated like shit anymore and I dated the biggest redneck in our class. I made my closest friend I'll ever have this summer and it changed me, shes the closest to my heart and we can say anything to each other. I find my self going to say sonething and then I remember that no one but her would understand.

Well I have finals in the morning so I should get some sleep.
~Natalie

An Easy Update.

Will you talk to the person you like on the phone tonight?
haha

Ever had a near death experience?
probably.

Where’s your cell phone?
under my arm as I'm typing.

What is the last thing you thought about?
A very awkward thing, relationship that just started between two close friends.

Do you regret anything?
Kind of not enough to think twice about.

If you found out you were pregnant who would you tell?
The father.

What are you going to do this weekend?
Um idk just chill out seeing how all break has been busy.

When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?
texting her right now

Do you prefer revenge or just pure jealousy/envy?
why would I rather be jealous then getting revenge? That's a stupid questions.

Would you curse in front of your parents?
Nope :)

What kind of camera do you have?
HP thing. idk. its a soft baby blue.

Would you rather go to a party or out of town?
Depends on who's where.

Are you slowly drifting away from someone close?
Kind of but I think it will work out.

When was the last time you held someone’s hand?
Walked my brother across the street yesterday. jk. Two nights ago, nothing serious.

Who can you tell everything to?
My cousin.

Can you play guitar hero?
I'm a beast at it. Not really can do pretty good on Hard.

Is any part of your body sore?
my ass and back and ankles.

Missing someone right now?
yea...

Is there someone on your mind that shouldn’t be?
Probably

Do you like your phone?
I'm a good critic, but I'm currently pleases with it.

Have you ever slept in a bed with the opposite sex?
Yeah.

Have any of your best friends ever back stabbed you?
Maybe?

If you had to move in with a friend, which one would you pick?
No idea.

When is your next road trip?
Hopefully soon because I want to go up north.

What did you do last weekend?
hmm... oh yea. Nessa and Jake got dropped off and Adam come over later on Sat. Then Brian came over one Sunday.

Met anyone new in the past week?
I wish.

What do your best friends call you?
Nat or Natalie. No :( No sweet nickname.

Who was the last person to go to the movies with you?
Mi mama

Are you currently fighting with someone?
I don't think so...?

Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
Yesterday during the game.

Are you mad at someone right now?
I do not remember if I am.

What’s the nicest text in your inbox say?
I just deleted the nice one last night crap.

Do you mainly use your house phone or your cell phone?
Defiantly my cell phone.

Is there an empty place in your heart?
Kinda

Do you count down the days till anything?
No most the time things change too much to count on things to much except basketball.

Are you looking forward to something as of right now?
Kinda not really

Have you ever been called a tease?
Yeah! I have to say more then once...

What are your chances of getting with your crush?
Don't really have any serious one so no chance.

What is the farthest you’ve traveled with a friend?
MO

Are any of your friends so close that you consider them family?
Yeah.

Anyone told you a secret this week?
Kinda of but I had permission so spread it cuz they didn't want to deal with it.

Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
When I restart it to get better signal like once a week.

Do you hate anyone?
Yea...

Last time you wore the opposite sex’s clothing?
Does a hat count or a varsity jacket?

What do you want in your life right now?
I want changes but I'm pleased with it now because the ones that would happen will be negative.

When was the last time you laughed so hard you thought you were going to cry?
Two days ago.

Did you tell someone something today?
Nope

Do you trust people easily?
Some time I don't trust enough and sometimes too much.

What were you doing at 9pm Friday night?
I opening Christmas presents cuz I had just got home.

Have you ever made out in a bathroom?
A garage, but no I do not recall a bathroom.

Do you think the last person you kissed is nice?
To me he is.

Who was the last person to call you?
Brandon Swetland

What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
Water

When is the last time you cried?
Not too long ago but don't remember why or when.

Are you scared of spiders?
huge ones.

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
I don't think I would.

Ever been swimming in a lake or river?
YEAH

Last person you drove with in a car?
mi madre

What’s irritating you right now?
7 year olds

What radio station(s) do you listen to?
102.9 or 94.1

Are you afraid of the dark?
sometimes afraid of what in the dark

Are you listening to music right now?
no

Do you like Chinese food?
yes and it sound realllly good right now seeing how I haven't eaten yet today.

What is the last movie you saw in theaters?
New Moon for a second time. 2012 before that tho.

Is there anyone you wish was still in your life?
Right now I'm good.

Do you get distracted easily?
YEAH. Like I'm having trouble doing this and texting at the same time.

First time you kissed the last person you kissed?
uhhh... you want a date? I couldn't give you that.

Was this the best year of your life?
HELL FUCKING NO (this summer rocked)

Is it easier to forgive or forget?
forgive

Are you jealous of someone?
Not really

What last made you laugh the hardest?
My mom and Adam

Do you flirt a lot?
I'm told I do.

Would you live with someone without marrying them?
Yeah.

Have you ever had a dream about people you love dying?
I don't think I've dreamed of death before.

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Like beging of the summer my mom bro nessa and dad.

Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
yeahhh lol

Who was the last person that made you feel safe, why?
That's a tough one.

Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?
Not really.

Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
He had a weak heart okay?

Do you believe that you are a good boyfriend or girlfriend?
When I am one I don't think I'm that bad, but what do I know?

What did you do yesterday?
Woke up ate took a nap watched tv bit farewell to my cosuins then played bball.

Have you ever dated Someone Older Than You?
Only ever dated older guys lol

What time did you go to bed at and when did you awake?
2ish am - 11ish am

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
kinda of

Believe in love at first sight?
No. That's a phrase that goes against everything about not judging a book by it's cover.

So there you go I found that off of some guys Facebook so I took it. It's a quick update for you. My head is so mixed up right now I can't really sit and write anything constructive. Basically fighting with my dad, Hanging with my best friends, playing basketball, and dealing with 7 year olds who have cell phone but don't have the part of the brain that has reasoning.

So that's about it. I was doodling last nigh so I'm ganna scan it and post it because I think that'll look cool. Warning: Hearing about Adam and Nessa talking about deciding to take the 'risk of fucking everything thing up', it dug up a lot of old memories that I had mentally packed away in a box. I know weird but it works, except last night because it was as if a hole was punched in the top of it. The lid wasn't taken off though because only bits and pieces were coming out.

~Nat

Breath in, take it slow, never look back, and let the haters fall in step behind you.

T.G.I.S.

Thank God It's Saturday.

This was a long week. I do not think I hand more the 6 hours in one night. I know that's horrible. My bones were just acing with tiredness all week. On a good note I finished my book. It was quite different, The Tenth Circle by Jodi Picoult. It was one of those books where you find a book you really want to read, but it's checked out so you grab another one by that author. I finished in it a week, returned it Wednesday and got My Sister's Keeper. I'm about a quarter of the way into it now.

Now I will go back to what I'm sure ALL my reading (joking) want to know about, my post from October 10th. I joined the basketball team. I made it my the tips on my finger nails. I started training back in October twice a week. I was going to 1 on 1 with the Varisity coach and assistant coach on Tuesdays and on Thursdays I was going to conditioning with girls that were planning on trying out. I had been running all summer with the thought in the back of me head. I tried out on November 9th-10th. It was a back-braking practice both days. To tell you the truth in my head in every step I took each day in those two hour pain practices I was second guessing every choice I had made to get myself to that point. I was telling myself that I no longer wanted that, that I didn't want to be on the team, I couldn't take 4 months of that. I didn't stop putting my best effort in. By Tuesday night, I was drained. I didn't give a fuck if I made the team or not. I wasn't nervous the slightest bit, until it was my turn to go sit between Coach Faber and Coach Rubing. At the point Amber had gone before me and had informed me that she hadn't made it. They told me about how they had talked and talked about wither or not I should be on the team due to the fact that I hadn't played in years and the other girls had. That they could tell I had talent I just need to sharpen again. They said if I was on the team there wouldn't one on one, that I wouldn't get a lot of playing time, and that there will be some games that I don't get in at all, but as I got better I would play more often. Then Coach Faber asked me if knowing all of that if wanted to me on the team. My hands were shaking when I told me yes. As I stood up they told me jokingly no boys. I had just started dating Levi the night before so a smile filled my face and practically skipped back to the gym door where Mckeena and Christy had cracked the door to see me coming. And that's how I got myself the Grass Lake High School JV Girls Basketball team my sophomore year. Now we stand 4-0, with my season total of 4 points. My hands started shaking again just thinking of it.

Levi was short lived. It was real and it was a relationship but it wasn't a real relationship. All it did was cause me to get a few scratch on my reputation and cause everyone in the school to get there panties in a wrinkle over the odd match. It reminds me of a time with Trevor when he told me about his mom asking him if he like me or the idea of me, and how he asked me the same question and I knew the answer right way because I too had thought of it before. Levi, was the the guy that was a jerk all the time but when it came to you he softened right up and was quiet and not as confident. The guy that said good morning and good night to you, who was a true country boy and was a total hard ass. I liked the idea of Levi, not Levi.

I have all these new things in my life. Yet some night I want the old.

Umbrellas

Umbrellas are for protecting your from the rain. They shield you from the fat drops falling from the sky. Even from the tiny like drops that smash against it like marbles on a hard would floor. But what happens when the umbrella turns inside out and isn't as strong, do you put it away and go fully unprotected? When if the wind catches it and it blows away, and you are forced to go unprotected?